<![CDATA[As most of you who frequent this website know, I've traveled to Vietnam for a second wedding celebration joining my wife and I as a couple. The centerpiece of this Vietnam visit is this wedding, so it would probably be a terrible move for me, as a writer, to not cover it in as much detail as possible. I admit, I don't have many photos of the day, as it was a rather busy time for me with lots of eyes watching. I do however have some thoughts and experiences to run through with you all, and I'll try and use others' photos to help illustrate it as well as possible. Let's begin, at the beginning.
The Vietnamese wedding is, traditionally, a much different ceremony all together. It's typically a huge deal, of course, but it is celebrated in a different way, and the focus is also primarily different. If you haven't read my brief overview of the Vietnamese wedding ceremony here, you should do so now before continuing this story. It will provide some background that will be essential to understanding the differences in cultures, and the differences that occurred for our wedding in relation to what it normally is like here in this country. I’m not going to spend a lot of time covering the way it normally is here. Instead, I’ll just cover what happened, and allow you to see the differences for yourself with that article. Don’t feel shy. Click the link, read the other one, and then come back here. I’ll make it open a new window or tab for your convenience. We’ll continue after the break.
[charliead]
Okay, so now you’ve either gotten yourself caught up on the way weddings normally go here, as a summary, or you had no interest in such things, and moved down here anyways. Either way, welcome to right here and now. Let’s start things off with the ceremony itself, which is treated as less about the couple, and more about the union of two families.
The day started in a similar fashion to in America: with everyone running around rushing for last minute details. I did not, however, have to hide myself from the bride this time around, as it was well known and accepted that were were indeed already married in the United States. The ceremony location was actually the home itself, which is similar to the traditional wedding here, except ours was held at the bride’s family home, instead of the groom. I do not have a family home here, so clearly that had to be changed.
I rented a tux, which was a unique experience in and of itself, and got myself dressed up and looking nice after helping the family move some furniture around in preparation for the ceremony. Many people were already here before I began getting ready, and all of them loved to call me a “handsome man” over and over again. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m necessarily ugly, but to put it mildly: I don’t think I’ve ever felt as good in a suit before. The amount of compliments and looks was awesome, and I imagine this is a similar feeling to what the typical bride feels on her wedding day. Like they are the most attractive person in the room.
Now, I’ll backtrack slightly. I said earlier that I was helping the family move furniture. The home was the place for the ceremony, and the way furniture is normally arranged in the home wasn’t suitable for this engagement. It called for a bit of a remodel and when I woke up on the morning of, the living area in the front of the home had already been cleared out, leaving what was essentially an open room in its place. This open area was quickly transformed into a place for people to sit, eat, drink, and for the ceremony to take place. The kitchen table was even disassembled and put back together out front for the occasion.
[gallery type="rectangular" link="file" ids="3996,3981,3980,3997"]
Flowers were everywhere too. More flowers than I’ve seen in a home before for sure. Most were fresh flowers brought in that day, but the flowers around the giant archway in the front of the home were a couple of days old (they usually are brand new and fresh, but we were already married before, so it didn’t matter). The archway (which you’ll see in photos to come) was constructed for the ceremony in the home, and was actually transported to the home by one guy on a motorbike, in one single trip. It was brought in pieces, and assembled on location. Just learning that alone made me impressed with it, simply because I can’t imagine the guy being able to haul it all with one scooter trip, given the sheer amount of materials involved, and the weight of them. It’s not exactly a light piece.
For dressings, My father and brothers all wore a similar tuxedo as I did, with me having an ivory colored vest and tie to their black. My grandmother brought a lovely dress to wear, and both my mother and mother-in-law were dressed in traditional Ao Dai, which were custom made specifically for them. You can read more about Ao Dai and my mother getting one if you’d like by reading this article as well. There were dozens of compliments expressed towards her in an ao dai, and overall I think she rather enjoyed wearing it. It’s fairly rare to see a white woman in this type of clothing, especially one from America. The response she received regarding it was very warm and welcoming.
Hang, my beautiful bride, was more beautiful than ever of course, wearing the same wedding ao dai (and later a dress) that she wore for the wedding in the United States.
[caption id="attachment_3998" align="aligncenter" width="504"]
|
[button link=”https://charliepryor.net/vietnam-wedding-commentary-american-groom/2″ size=”large”]NEXT PAGE[/button]
|
The Ceremony
In America, the focus of a wedding ceremony is entirely on the bride and groom in every way. There is a long isle for the bridal party to walk down, all chairs are facing front to see the couple, and all of the choices and ceremonial events surrounding the wedding are chosen and customized by the bride and groom. At least, that’s how it was for ours. In Vietnam, this was still somewhat the case. The decorations and venues selected are up to choice, but there is a process that almost always occurs, such as the “kiss the bride” in America (or stepping on a cup depending on your religious-based decisions). In other words, something that remains consistent from wedding to wedding. In the case of Vietnam, the focus is slightly shifted from 100% bride and groom, to 100% family. The focus is entirely on family, and the joining of two families, rather than the joining of two people. The beginning of our ceremony (which is still different than the traditional ways) began with all of us seated in our proper seats, positioned with Hang’s family at one side of the table, and mine on the other. The videographer was there with a single camera and LED light mounted on top (although I don’t see how he’d be able to capture adequate sound with his positioning choices), and the photographer actually showed up late (I grabbed my DSLR for Hang’s cousin to use during the ceremony, so that we’d at least have a few pictures of the place). Hang’s father stood up and began speaking to begin the ceremony, with a translator at the ready to help us understand what was being said. [gallery columns="2" link="file" ids="3982,3983"] He spoke about his family first, presenting the people who were present that represented their family. Each person, from uncles to cousins, and even notable people such as grandparents that were unable to attend were introduced to my family for the first time, one by one. The process took a bit of time, but in terms of knowing who everyone I was meeting actually was, it was useful. After this, the same was done with my side of the family, except Hang’s father did the introductions for us (since we simply don’t know how things are done here). One by one, my family was introduced to their family. The next part will again reinforce my argument that marriage here is entirely about family, and not nearly as much about the couple (us). After introductions were made, both Hang and I were given incense to light at a couple of altars. These altars are found in the home all of the time, and represent the memory of ancestors that have passed away. In this case, Hang’s grandfather and great grandparents. You can read a bit more about these altars by reading my brief overview of them within this article here if you’d like. The incense were lit, and then placed on the altars after a brief bit of respect was paid to them. We then concluded this event by making our way over to Hang’s side of the family table, where we would then proceed to the final stages of this ceremony: gifts. [charliead] Giving gifts is a big deal in Vietnam weddings, and it’s almost always in the form of money or gold. We received both, although understandably, Hang received more of the gold in jewelry. She was given two bracelets, and we were given two 24k gold rings, which weren’t actually meant for wearing so much as they were for selling for money (so I’m told). I wore my ring the entire day on my pinky finger (it was the only finger it would fit on). Due to the nature of gold, and it being .9999 gold, the rings were super soft metal, and by the end of the night, the once tight ring was close to falling off of my pinky finger. I guess my finger stretched it out (that’s why it isn’t really meant for wearing). We also received a pure gold coin. The coin celebrates 300 years for Ho Chi Minh City (yup, this is one of many cities that are older than my entire country). The coin was heavy, but it’s still soft metal. Later in the night, the coin was accidentally dropped (it wasn’t me), and a small knick is in the side of the coin now. It still means just as much to me as it did when it was without any marks though, so no worries. Of course, many of the attendees came with gifts of money as well. [gallery type="rectangular" link="file" ids="3988,3987,3989,3990"] After gift giving, the ceremony was basically concluded. There was no ‘kiss the bride’ or anything like that. Not even really a hug or anything. The ceremony concludes after the couple are presented with gifts, I guess. Guests were given Bánh cốm, a Vietnamese dessert made from rice and mung bean. It is made by wrapping pounded and then green-colored glutinous rice around sugary green-bean paste. To my American friends and family, hearing that likely doesn’t sound all that appetizing, and for the most part my family didn’t much care for the taste (although they made noticeable progress with it to be polite). [gallery link="file" columns="2" ids="3992,4005"] Hang and I, without actually being given bánh cốm for ourselves, proceeded outside where the flower-covered archway was set up at the entrance to the home. It was here where my family and I would spend the next 20 minutes standing in the heat, posing for a photograph with pretty much every single person that showed up to the ceremony. The job as a photographer here would be a super easy one for sure, as it is one of the most repetitive processes I’ve ever seen. I’m still amazed that he didn’t come with a tripod, since every photo he took was at the exact same angle, distance, and focal point. As the day went on, I would later learn that posed group photographs are unfortunately the primary activity for a married couple at a Vietnamese wedding, and that ‘fun’ activities simply don’t happen like they do in America. [gallery type="rectangular" link="file" ids="3991,3995,3994,4505"] After another hour of mingling and speaking with people, it was time to load up in the car, and head to the hotel for the reception… a party not at all like my party in America.|
[button link=”https://charliepryor.net/vietnam-wedding-commentary-american-groom” size=”large”]PREVIOUS PAGE[/button]
|
[button link=”https://charliepryor.net/vietnam-wedding-commentary-american-groom/3″ size=”large”]NEXT PAGE[/button]
|
The Reception: Part 1
Our wedding reception took place on the 7th floor of the Windsor Plaza Hotel, the same hotel my parents were already staying at. The large room consisted of over 20 tables ready with name cards labeling the groups of people that should be seated. Along the walls were lights and drop down video screens, which would play the wedding video I had already prepared for the event. A 28 minute video showing exactly what our party in America was like, complete with music, transitions, etc. We would soon learn that the hotel was unable to accommodate audio with the video feed, essentially rendering all the work I had done pointless (aside from our parents having it, of course). Still the show must go on as they say, and as the guests began to show up for the party, Hang and I stood at the entrance to the room, ready to greet each guest that came to see our wedding. There were far more people attending this part of the celebration, which is understandable considering the size of the place, and the fact that there was a nine-course meal being served with as much alcohol as they wished to drink. Turns out, lots of people wanted to join us for the party… more people than were even invited. In fact, the Vietnam wedding reception had double the people of the American one, even though the same number of people were invited to attend. With all those attendees came a new person I had to greet. Sometimes I greeted them properly (acknowledging them properly by their title in terms of age and relation), and other times I didn’t have to. They simply greeted Hang, and then stood with us for a photo before moving towards their seats. I got a head nod or something most times, and for me, that was enough. I didn’t know how to communicate with them anyways, so the less awkward I could feel in the moment, the better. I was already out of my element with this day anyways, and it was only going to get more unfamiliar as the night went on. Most of the people who attended wanted a photo with us at the front door where we were greeting them. This was a nice touch, since they would all have a record of their attendance, as well as having a cool photo to show us who all came to wish us well. It was good for the first 20 minutes or so, but it didn’t take much longer than that before I began to realize a pattern forming around photography, as each person came with the same posed pictures that happened at the ceremony. They wanted more photos… more of the same photos. As a person who wants to be up front and honest, I’m forced to say it was the only part of the night I didn’t actually enjoy the longer it lasted. That isn’t to say that I don’t like the people, because all of the people are great. I enjoyed seeing them and, when I could, conversing with them. Standing for lengthy periods of time doing nothing but smiling for photos, all without any food yet, was a bit much though. I simply didn’t enjoy that, and I don’t really believe my family did either. It just felt way too mechanical and repetitive, and it’s certainly something that’ll make your feet hurt fairly quickly. We wanted to start the show. Start the introductions and speeches. Start dinner. [gallery link="file" columns="2" ids="4008,4009"] Aside from the long standing sessions for repetitive photos, the reception was a great experience though. It began with a performance on stage, something that I’ve never seen at a wedding before, and I don’t really think I enjoyed it all that much as is. Our wedding reception even started late due to the performers having been double-booked for the wedding across the hall as well. They had to finish up with another wedding before performing for us (I assume the exact same performance). [caption id="attachment_4000" align="aligncenter" width="648"]
|
[button link=”https://charliepryor.net/vietnam-wedding-commentary-american-groom/2″ size=”large”]PREVIOUS PAGE[/button]
|
[button link=”https://charliepryor.net/vietnam-wedding-commentary-american-groom/4″ size=”large”]NEXT PAGE[/button]
|
The Reception: Part 2
At this point, we’ve had our celebration at home, have gone through all of the “show” parts of our wedding reception, including speeches, a group toast, fake cake cutting and wine pouring on a pyramid of wine glasses. My wife is now entering the room with me once again, this time with a wardrobe change. I figure now is an excellent time to start eating with my family… except it isn’t. We haven’t said hello and thanked everyone at their tables yet, or gotten a photo with them. Wait… what?!? We’ve spent the vast majority of our time standing in place getting photos taken. We’ve said hello, and greeted every person who came to the reception and ceremony, and have had pictures taken with almost all of them, some more than twice already. At this point, I’ve met close to everyone here, have sore feet, and I’m hungry. Now I’m told that, despite every person in the room having already been served a drink, and their first course of the night, I can’t relax and eat yet. Hang will later tell me that it’s completely normal for the bride and groom to not even get any food at their own wedding. They spend the entire time moving around to other people and getting photos taken, (like some sort of family prize that cannot relax)… okay, let’s see where this goes now, because I’m hungry, and I’m not going through my own wedding without eating anything. That’s messed up. [charliead] Well, it goes about as expected. Hang and I make our way over to each table, one by one, as I’m reintroduced to everyone at dinner. I’m expected to greet them, and say thank you (using proper address depending on their age and relation to my new family). This time, two photos are taken (again at the same repetitive angles and everything) with each table, so that we can get a photo with both sides. There are now 300 people, and more tables were brought in to accommodate people, even those who weren’t invited. This entire process of taking photos and saying thank you to each table lasts over half an hour, and when it concludes, we’re finally able to sit down at the table with our parents and family, and start eating. At this time, many people are on their third or fourth drink, and the fourth course of the nine-course meal is about to be served. Hang and I sorta missed half of dinner doing the same things we’ve already before: getting pictures taken with groups of people. But now, after all this time… we get to eat. [gallery columns="2" link="file" ids="3999,4011"] Our dinner lasted us about 30 minutes total from the time I sat down to the time the last course was served. That means I’ve spent 30 minutes sitting with my family, enjoying dinner and their company. If my words sound a bit on the annoyed side here, it’s because I sorta was at this point, although I didn’t show it. I hadn’t imagine the Vietnamese wedding being like what I can essentially summarize as a glorified photo-shoot event. Yes, we were treated very well by the people, and we surely do appreciate the gifts. The food was also pretty good… but I really didn’t care for the insane number of repetitive photos that were taken of us over and over again. It simply wasn’t the ‘fun’ that I’ve come to associate with a wedding, even without being the groom. This part just wasn’t fun… and sadly, it still wasn’t over yet. Once dinner concluded for us, Hang grabbed me up and told me we needed to wait at the door to say goodbye, since people were ready to leave. That means, dinner concludes the entire night. There’s no dancing of any kind, not even slow. I never kiss my bride. There is basically greetings, photos, ceremony, photos, clothing change, photos, dinner, photos, and then goodbyes… followed again by photos. Once we were standing at the door to say goodbye, we were once again posed for more group photos with people (the same groups of the same people, as you can tell). We even stood in the same location as the first time we did this whole deal, with the only difference being Hang’s dress. I’m trying to be as nice as possible about how weddings are done here, because I know ours wasn’t a very typical Vietnam wedding, but our day was basically 80% photo time. 80% standing still doing nothing buy smiling for the flash of a camera. [gallery link="file" columns="2" ids="4008,4006"] Yes, I enjoyed the company, and it was wonderful to meet the people I did, but the way the party is organized is just not as fun as it could be. Not as enjoyable as it should be, and unfortunately not as memorable as it needed to be. I will remember everything in great detail, obviously, and overall I would say I’ve had a decent time with my marriage here. However, that being said… if I had to choose a wedding here in comparison to a wedding in America… there isn’t a single element of the Vietnam wedding ceremony or reception that I’d take over the ones in America. It has nothing to do with a language barrier, or the weather, or the venues, or even the company. It has everything to do with the activities that are done during the events. That’s just the way it is. The night does, of course, end on a great note as the hotel does accommodate the bride and groom with a suite for their wedding: The executive sweet on the 21st floor. The room was very large, and came with a complimentary bottle of wine as well (although we had to ask the desk to bring up the cork, since they didn’t included it). [gallery columns="2" link="file" ids="4002,4003"] All of that being said, I’m truly grateful for the wonderful hospitality and spirit of the Vietnamese people during our wedding. They’ve said only good things about us as a family, and have made us all feel exceptionally welcome in their country. They are among some of the most caring, decent, and loving people I’ve met in terms of family life, and they go out of their way every day to bring joy and comfort to others. It has been a pleasure to meet as many people as I did, and I can only hope to one day learn the language well enough to communicate with them more directly and consistently in the years to come. If you’ve actually made it through this entire bit of commentary, give yourself an amazing pat on the back and accept my sincerest thank you for following along. In just over 4800 words, you’ve filled yourself in with as much details about our wedding as can be learned. As a thank you for those who’ve made it this far, please visit one final page to get a small musical treat from me to you: My mother got up and sang at the wedding in Vietnam: Click to the NEXT PAGE to watch, and thanks for visiting Charlie’s Place. I’ll catch ya next time!|
[button link=”https://charliepryor.net/vietnam-wedding-commentary-american-groom/3″ size=”large”]PREVIOUS PAGE[/button]
|
[button link=”https://charliepryor.net/vietnam-wedding-commentary-american-groom/5″ size=”large”]SEE VIDEO[/button]
|