Missing the Good Old Days
What plays within my mind so often these days is “what am I going to do when I grow up?” Seems like a simple question to most seniors in college, but actually this question is quite difficult. I have many ideas, but I’m by far sure of what’s to come. Common questions I always have are:
How am I going to be living in 10 years? How much debt will I still have? Will I be well known in what I do? Will I be happy? Will I be living with the love of my life? Will I have kids? Will I be too busy to see them?
Some of these questions I feel I can answer with some confidence now, but for the most part life i but a mystery novel waiting to be read. Perhaps I’ll live a story that will make my parents proud, and will be passed around my friends and family, both new and old. Perhaps I’ll come up short, and struggle to get all the wonderful things that I want. Maybe I’ll simply exist (I doubt that).
The good old days, were days which didn’t require thinking of such things. The days when I could simply wake up in the morning, come down stairs for a bowl of cereal, and think to myself “I wonder if I had homework due today?” but then shrug my shoulders and go about my business. The good old days were those days when I didn’t have to worry about money, or taxes (which in some cases, for me at least, go hand in hand since I’ll likely owe the government money every single year from this point on). These days some of my worries fall on grades, while others rest with, hard to believe, my relationships. I’m not only talking about Hang, but I’m also referring to friendships and ties to family. I have never, since I started attending college, been away from my family this long. Granted, I only live about 2 hours away, but they might as well be thousands with the amount of time I have to see them. This goes for Hang as well, because it has been over a month since I have seen her (in person) as well. All of it is worth it, so long as I can make a few of my dreams come true. The big issue I have with that statement though, is that I’m not sure what my dreams are at the moment.
Have you ever had one of those times in your life where you had no dream? I’m not saying you don’t want anything, but rather you are unsure of what that thing you want in life actually is. I have that feeling all the time. The key to getting around the “emotional” part of that feeling, is simply believing that, even though you don’t know the destination, you are sure it’ll be a great trip to get there. As of right now, I can’t honestly say my “trip to get there” is much fun, however it is productive. When I say productive though, I’m not referring to college. Quite honestly, college has been a waste of my time, in my opinion. College can kiss the whitest part of my….. hand. :)
I guess I’ll just keep hammering away at all the stuff I love, and hope that one day, my entire life is something that I love.